Last Sunday, at the church gate, I heard two pious ladies discussing in quite a loud tone. It seemed inappropriate, considering the place and the fact that we had just come out of the Liturgy. But, as I am naturally curious, I perked up my ear (I will write more, to “confess” this weakness too). The topic was, in fact, an entire debate about the grace of priests: if it works, if there are levels, and, of course, most importantly, if some have more, others less or none at all. Well... as if God is unjust and grace is something that can be turned into percentages!
Hearing the discussion, I remembered a youthful exploit of mine.
There are four siblings in our family. Two girls and two boys. Well, my sister has two daughters. One of them, although she was almost two years old (now she's 36!), would pee on herself. And what was harder was that she also wet the bed at night. She went to the doctor, who told her she had a kidney problem. She underwent treatment, but without results. That's why she asked me to go together to Cetățuia Monastery, in Iași, to Father Teofan Merlă ("Grandpa," as we call him), to ask him to bless the girl and... may the Lord have mercy! I must mention that my sister had never been to the Father before. She knew of his holiness, but had not met him in person.
So... no sooner said than done! The next day we got in the car and headed for the monastery.
We arrived somewhere around lunchtime. We used to go there quite often, and the Fathers knew me, so, even though it was quite quiet in the courtyard, I didn't wait to ask anyone, but went straight to Father Teofan's cell. Buttttt... no sooner had we stepped into the inner courtyard than I saw Father Chiril. He was so drunk he could barely walk. With every step he bent over so much that I expected him to fall at any moment. When I saw him, I didn't know where to hide so he wouldn't see us, so my sister wouldn't get upset.
I hadn't even taken two steps sideways when I heard:
- Sister Jenica's hereeee…
I felt the ground give way beneath me. I froze and didn't know how to react. But, oh well! What was I to do! I took my niece's hand, and we headed towards him. When we reached him, Father bent over so much that I don't know how he didn't fall. And I hear him say:
- Who do we have here?! Have you come to God?
And my niece, who didn't understand what was happening, said, with the cheerfulness characteristic of children:
- Yes, I came to Father, to read me a prayer so I won't pee in bed anymore...
Ugh! Now the hard part began! Immediately he took her little hand and, already heading towards the big church, said to her:
- Bravo, bravo! You came to daddy! We'll read to the little girl right away, and that's it, no more peeing! Do you believe?
And the niece, laughing, says:
- I believe, I believe!
We entered the church, believing — in fact, more accurately, hoping he would call Father Teofan, but I see him putting on his stole and giving the opening blessing. What am I to do?! I can't tell you what feelings I had, how upset I was! I was almost arguing with the Mother of God in my mind, asking why she allowed such a thing! I had known Father Chiril for a very long time. He also had a spiritual pain and would drink. As I said, he began to read to her. He could barely utter the words; I don't think I had ever seen him so drunk. He finished, we said goodbye, and we left. Father Teofan was resting and couldn't receive us, so we were left only with the encounter with Hieromonk Chiril.
On the way, I was fuming, but I didn't dare say anything. My sister, who is a mountain of love and gentleness, said:
- Little sister, don't be upset. It happened this way because of my sins.
But! Again that BUTTTT! The next day, early in the morning, she calls me and tells me:
- Jeni, last night the girl didn't wet the bed!
Again, it felt like the sky had fallen on my head. I don't know how to explain what I felt! In that moment, exactly in that moment I understood! It wasn't for my sister's sins, it was for my own sins and my poor, misguided judgment! For me, the thick-headed person that I am! It was so that I would understand once and for all that NEVER, absolutely never does grace mix with human nature. As Father Cleopa, today's Saint Cleopa, used to tell us: 'Listen, if you see a drunken priest fallen in a ditch, run quickly and kiss his hand and you will have gained heaven!' But, well! I heard, but did it really enter my head, my ears, my heart? Nooo! I had to live this to understand! Since then, I don't remember ever being 'scandalized' by any priest again. And that's how the Lord again had mercy on me and did not leave me in the 'spiritual' blindness I was in.
Jenica Gavrilă