(short review of the book "He and She. In Search of Marital Harmony" by Father Pavel Gumerov)
Have you ever felt that your husband/wife speaks a language that resembles Romanian but has Martian syntax? Or that they looked at you like a crossword puzzle with too many black squares? Father Pavel Gumerov, in his book "He and She. In Search of Marital Harmony," confirms what we all suspected: men and women are "diametrically opposed." Sometimes, he says, it's as if we're from entirely different worlds, even though we share the same planet and, more importantly, the same home.
Father Gumerov offers a very keen and, at times, humorous observation about how we react when someone points out that we are wrong in the family. Often, we listen to advice "with half an ear," as if they were talking about the neighbor from the third floor, not about us. Why? Because it's much more comfortable not to see where our fault lies. Reading the lines penned by the author is like someone holding a mirror up to us ‒ but one with good lighting, which allows us to look at ourselves from the outside without being scared by what we see.
An aspect that the Father strongly emphasizes is the difference between Christian psychology and the "aberrant" theories that compare us to the animal kingdom. While some explain male infidelity through the "instinct to fertilize," the Father reminds us that man has something that cats or monkeys do not: reason, an immortal soul, and an entirely different calling. For us women, Father Gumerov has synthesized the "essentials" of happiness into two clear points that every man should stick on the refrigerator. After all, the recipe for feminine happiness isn't exactly quantum physics!
The first aspect is the ability to make decisions: a woman needs a man with "resolute character," who is the head of the family not just in name, but especially by taking on responsibility.
The second aspect concerns attention and care: God has planted in a woman's nature a natural yearning for a "strong masculine shoulder." We need to be listened to, supported, and most importantly, comforted.
The Father warns: if a husband does not provide these things, his wife's behavior can become "incompatible with her nature." Translated into our language: if we don't feel protected and heard, we might become a little... "stormy." Insufficient communication is, most often, the sure path to estrangement.
Father Gumerov's book is a guide full of common sense and Orthodox spirit that teaches us that, although we are made from "different molds," we are indispensable to each other. "Resolute character" and "tenderness" are the keys that can open any door slammed shut on a bad day. It is worth reading, especially on those evenings when you feel that your "planets" are light-years away from each other!
I hope I have made you curious to browse through this book, so beneficial for the soul and for good understanding in the family.
Andreea Macra