Time passes and you are still on the step of the lips. You almost lost hope that it could be otherwise, you say your prayers periodically, routinely, at some point you realize that your inner eyes are clearer in the morning, you also grasp the meaning of the two series of forty "Lord, have mercy" (at first they seemed absurd to you - once, twice, come on, three times isn't enough?), it's like a metronome, your breath settles on your breathing, it's like a warm-up exercise before entering a large, deep water, but you are still on the first step, that of the lips, you have reconciled with the idea that if God didn't vocalize at this ridiculous prayer, He must have some expectation, and you wait in His wake, like a ship lingering, drifting aimlessly, awaiting a good wind, time passes, perhaps days, perhaps years, you have had the due patience and suddenly your mind opens - and your mind, until now wandering, making shopping lists and checking its daily schedule while your lips were muttering psalms, your mind falls to its knees.
I have no other description, and this is not a metaphor.
On that day, your mind falls to its knees, next to the lips that read the psalms, and you understand. You fall into the Psalter as into a warm bath after a freeze, all the joints of your heart loosen and you understand, you understand! It's as if you'd slide three millennia and reach into David's eye, into his fear and hope, into his longing and thirst for God, and you understand with your mind, and when you rise from prayer, after having fallen upwards onto the second step, that of the mind, you are pulverized by astonishment and gratitude. You then understand why monks sleep with their heads on this mysterious book, so close to your heart and mind from now on, you understand. You no longer recite the Psalms by rote, as on the step of the lips, but suddenly you recite them from within, as if a gate had opened and you had entered a city with lit torches and clean streets, smelling of almond blossom.
Do not be boastful. Tomorrow you will be, perhaps, again on the first step. And the days that follow, and perhaps for whole months you will not fall upwards to the step of the mind.
But again, oh, again, patience. Once the mind has opened, it will open again, and your heart and your spirit will dance, together, to the rhythm of the truth in God's voice.
The second step, the step of the mind.
Fr. Crin-Triandafil Theodorescu