I believe that behind certain smiles hide secret prayers for us... And I know behind which smiles. They are the smiles of the one you feel embracing you through eyes full of light. The smiles of the one you feel knows you and you've known for a lifetime, even if you're seeing each other, perhaps, for the first time. The smiles of the one you feel loves you and accepts you exactly as you are, and gives you rest in their heart. Those smiles that make you fight with all your might to become a better person. Those smiles in which Christ rests. The smile nourished by Christ. His smile is on the face of the person who loves Him. There is no more wonderful smile! For a moment, you seem to forget you are on earth. You are taken into the Heaven of the one who prays for you with such love... And how beautiful it is there! You would never want to leave.
My spiritual father!... The man in whose smile is reflected the love for Christ. The man full of Christ's light, who has placed springs full of Resurrection in the souls of many people, and in my soul too. This is how I began to pre-taste a drop of God's endless grace, which can only mean joy! Joy of Heaven!
Heaven... What does Heaven mean to me? Besides other experiences in various circumstances, first and foremost it means every encounter with my spiritual father. Beside him, I feel joy, but also fear. However, not a fear that he would scold me for something specific, but a different kind of fear, like when you are faced with wonderful things that exceed the mind's power to grasp them. Each time I would like to address many words to him, but I only manage to say a few... far too few... Most of all, I manage to smile at him and thank him many times. Words are not enough for me to thank him for the good he has done and continues to do for my soul!
God guided my steps towards this wonderful man when the most painful darkness enveloped me. I saw no solution to escape it anymore! I didn't believe I would ever be freed from the deep and dark pit in which my soul lay, to breathe the clean and luminous air of joy again...
Every time I go to my spiritual father, I remember how it was when I first arrived. The first time at my spiritual father's... the day I took my first steps towards eternity! It was on a Saturday, in mid-autumn. Arriving at the church where the Father serves, the lady at the candle stand told me that if I hadn't spoken to the Father beforehand, there was a possibility he might not receive me for confession, because an appointment was needed, but to go anyway.
There was only one person ahead of me. When he saw me, the Father welcomed me with his smile straight from Heaven! He embraced me with much love, as if he had known me for a lifetime, as if he were my father! I didn't expect to meet such a man... Through the warmth of his love, the Father brought comfort to my spiritual pains and, in my great darkness, after a long time, a powerful ray of light managed to penetrate.
I left his presence smiling, I, who hadn't managed to smile sincerely and with all my soul for years... The Father told me to return in two weeks. I was expecting a great miracle to happen to me because I had returned to the Church, to be enlightened all at once and for all suffering to disappear from my soul. But, because it didn't happen that way, my first reactions were to no longer want to go to the Father. And yet, when the date for the two weeks to pass approached, that true fatherly love drew me to go again... I went! And I did well! I believe the Father carried my soul in his arms and, pierced by deep pain, took it to God and asked Him to receive me too beside Him!
And it was the same every time... That same smile, torn from Heaven, that same embrace in which you feel like a child again, carefree, a child continuously enjoying the love of their parents... In such a situation, the soul can only begin to heal slowly, slowly. Strengthened, of course, through the Sacraments of the Church. My soul seemed to fly to Heaven next to him!
I don't communicate much with the Father, but I believe our souls speak much more. If I think of him, I brighten up and gain strength! How else can you feel when thinking of a man who loves you with a father's love, illuminated by the light of divine love? It is a paternal love, similar to God's love for His children... That's how I feel!
Many people have left me over time, even some of my closest ones. There were times when I was so spiritually weakened that I became a burden. And, even though I've made many mistakes in life, I don't believe I've wronged anyone so much as to be completely ignored and for them to stop speaking to me! This is painful, and the closer people are to your soul, the more painful it is! But those few who have remained by my side, who truly understand my soul, are wonderful people, gifts that God has offered to my soul. And one of them is my spiritual Father. He carried the heavy burden of my soul in his arms. I don't know how I could ever thank him for the good he has done for me and continues to do!
I always think of repaying him somehow, and I always realize that for such love shown to me by the Father, there is nothing in this world with which I could repay him. Although I believe that our joy, the joy of his spiritual children, is the reward that truly satisfies him! But I pray for him that God may reward him, because only He can give him according to the measure of his love! And he shows the same love to all people. Be they old, or young, rich, or poor, beautiful, or ugly, the Father treats everyone with the same love, joy, and warmth. I have seen not a few people go to the Father very saddened, and when they left, their faces were illuminated and brightened! Through an embrace, the Father gives us wings to fly towards heaven. This is the embrace that gave me wings too!
I wish for my soul to spend eternity in Heaven alongside my spiritual father. However, I wish to experience the same thing alongside all the people I love!...
Iulia Enache