Only God can fulfill our love.

Father Zacharias of Essex speaks to us

The only word for which man deserves to live and which gives meaning to life is love. Of course, ordinary human love differs entirely from divine love, and does not possess the same qualities. It is nothing more than a pale shadow of divine love.  

When love is expressed on a physical level, it is not love at all, but merely a movement of passion within us towards another person. As long as this love is dominated by the passion of carnal love and selfishness, it devastates the soul and renders man powerless in his relationship with God, and consequently with his fellow human beings. And again, when we form an idealized image of love in our minds and souls, because it continues to be based on the weak and passionate man, we fall into an even greater deception, which ravages our body and wounds our soul, so much so that we can barely find healing. Around us, we see nothing but tragedies and disastrous relationships, but we believe that we will fare better. Unfortunately, we do not realize the extent of our fall and powerlessness.

We expect from our fellow human beings, who are beset by the same passions as us, a strong and perfect love, something we ourselves are unable to offer others, for we are all caught in the narrowness of sin and burdened by its weight. Our delusion lies in the fact that we expect those around us – who are also powerless and fallen creatures – to satisfy our innate need for love, a need that only God can truly fulfill. It is a delusion to expect from people what only God can give us. He is the One who planted the thirst for love within us, and only He can quench it. Through love we shall know Him, and through love we shall become like Him.

When the winds of this world's temptations blow, even ideal relationships, which seem incredibly beautiful and enduring, fall apart, leaving behind only ruins that lament inconsolably, not understanding how such a thing could have happened. But even human love, weak as it is, retains something of the sacrificial character of divine love. It gives itself completely, lives within the beloved being, around whom it builds its entire happiness, its entire life. However, when man betrays it, this human love suddenly crumbles and becomes desolate. Nothing remains of the beautiful and strong feelings from before, and the wound is so deep that man's entire being is shaken to its foundations and shatters into pieces. Life no longer has meaning. And how often do people, despairing and trying to escape pain, seek refuge in suicide!

„Christ is in our midst!”

When our human love has turned to ruins and we are utterly crushed, then two possible paths open before us: either to turn with this pain to God, so that God may enter our lives and work our renewal, or to remain in the deception of our human contrivances, moving from one desolation of the soul to another, hoping that, at some point, we will find the ideal partner. And this drama will continue until the moment we understand that we cannot prevail alone. In our relationships, we need a third Person. Just as priests, during the Divine Liturgy, at the kiss of peace say to each other „Christ is in our midst!”, so too it must happen in our lives. In our bond of love, God is not the intruder, but the One who purifies and perfects it. He is the One who defends it and, in His immeasurable and eternal love, strengthens and inspires it. That is precisely why we seek refuge in the Church, where God's grace, in the Sacrament of Matrimony, will sanctify the bodily union, so that man and woman may complement each other with their gifts and work together for their perfection, which will be revealed not only in their bond of love in this life, but also in the Kingdom to come.

The Lord said: “Without Me you can do nothing!” If we are convinced that having an ideal and perfect relationship with a human being is a great delusion, then we will understand that our deep and mysterious longing for love can find its fulfillment only in God – our Creator, Provider, and Savior. Then an endlessly creative and life-giving adventure will begin between us and God. The more our bond of love with God strengthens, the clearer and stronger any of our relationships with our neighbor will become. Our love will then be a healthy one, anchored in the perspective of the only true Love, Who is Christ Himself. Only then will this love have value, because it will be free, that is, without sin. The presence of carnal passion disturbs the mind and hinders man's spiritual growth and the acquisition of divine love.

All love lived outside of God is ontologically self-destructive. If our "vertical" connection with God is true and strong, then any other "horizontal" connection will be true and strong. We must be ready for struggle and sacrifice for the success of our connection with God and with our neighbor. If we understand that, in our current state, we cannot fulfill our desire for love, then at least let us have more humility and discernment in our expectations regarding human love. Knowing the poverty and unworthiness of man, but also the greatness of God's merciful love, we will acquire a spirit of compassion and forgiveness. We will cleanse ourselves of self-love and draw closer to others, honoring them and respecting their freedom. We will accept our neighbor as he is, without trying to make him perfect according to our imagination, and we will no longer impose our demands on him, nor will we seek to dominate him.

An Unceasing Dialogue with the Lord

When we succeed in drawing near to God, then we find healing for our broken lives. Our heart is lightened of the burden of the past and dares again to love God and our neighbor. We are no longer afraid to expose ourselves, and we no longer erect walls of defense around us, for we no longer place our hope in people, but in Him who raises even the dead. However, if true love is absent from our lives – the love that is inspired by our connection with God – then we will fall into one of two well-known temptations: if we are spiritually stronger, then we will seek to dominate our partner and use them, and if we are weaker by nature, we will become victims of others' ambition. Under such conditions, our relationship will be unhappy and devoid of grace, a true bondage.

When we know God and, in our relationship with Him, we penetrate the "mystery of the person," of the human hypostasis, created after the image and likeness of God, then we will be able to approach each person with reverence, respect, and humble love, understanding that every human soul is of great value before God. Little by little, we also learn to love the other disinterestedly, unconditionally, and faithfully. In this way, we also preserve our freedom to remain disciples of the Cross of Christ, which is the most wonderful and beneficial thing. And if in this relationship we put Christ first, as the Other par excellence, we will find our true identity, because together with Him we can lose our life and find it again, in complete safety.

God thus created man so that, in his unique and personal relationship with his Creator, man might find his purpose and perfection. Thus, the highest goal and purpose of our life consists in establishing a strong connection with Christ, and having an unceasing dialogue with Him. Then, all our relationships with our fellow human beings will draw their strength from our connection with God, and we will begin to see everything, every aspect of the created world, in the light of this connection. And if our only concern is to improve our relationship with Him, then within us a deep repentance will be born. And, the more we grow in Christ, the clearer our spiritual poverty will become evident, and our inspiration will not cease to be renewed. We will fear nothing, because nothing can separate us from His love.

Fragments from the conference "Personal relationships between people

in the light of our relationship with God" (Iași, September 29, 2011)