(short review of the book 'How to Improve Relationships with Parents', an edition compiled by Dmitry Semenik)
Let's be honest: how many of us, having reached maturity, still find ourselves reacting like rebellious teenagers in front of our parents? Often, even though we have our own homes and families, we view those who gave us life as 'infallible referees' or judges from whose pedestal we eagerly await a passing grade. The book 'How to Improve Relationships with Parents', an edition compiled by Dmitry Semenik, speaks about this complicated 'knot' of our existence.
The author directly tells us something we sometimes wish to forget: relationships with parents lay the foundation for our entire lives. From there comes both our happiness and most of the problems that trouble us in adulthood. Moreover, there is a secret and somewhat 'risky' connection for the soul: we unknowingly transfer the relationship we have with our earthly father onto our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Therefore, if you want a healthier relationship with God, it would be good to start by tidying up the 'yard' of your relationship with your own parents.
One of the most liberating lessons in the book is to take parents off their pedestal. We must understand that they are not perfect 'helmsmen,' but simple people who can be guided by emotions, make mistakes, and have their own weaknesses. Furthermore, psychologist Alexandru Kolmanovskii, cited in the volume, proposes a revolutionary idea: to 'adopt' our parents! That is, to stop being dependent children who constantly seek validation and to start having indulgence and understanding towards their weaknesses, just as we do with young children. For example, I really liked the story of the grandmother and the frail kitten – how a small animal managed to 'conquer' the heart of a rigid grandmother, offering her a new focus of attention.
When parents become 'difficult' – with exaggerated demands or a lack of understanding – our first reaction is to feel like victims. The book encourages us to an exercise in humility, sprinkled with a touch of humor: to give up the idea that 'everything is against me' or that we are 'the center of the universe'. The commandment to honor parents does not have clauses like 'if they love me too'. It is a key factor for a blessed life, regardless of how awkward they were in their role as parents.
Changing the relationship with parents is not just about the past, but about how we will communicate, from now on, with our husband, wife, or our own children. We can overcome 'unlove through love' and even change our destiny.
I warmly recommend this book, which combines high-quality psychology with the spiritual practice of Orthodoxy. It is a guide for all who want to transform a 'sickly' relationship into one full of acceptance and peace. If our parents did not always give us the wings we dreamed of, at least they gave us life. The rest – flight, forgiveness, and love – depends on us and how much we allow God's grace to 'adopt' into our hearts all that has remained unhealed ‒ or, as my confessor taught me to always say when I lack the strength to forgive: 'Lord, You forgive them in me!'
I hope I've made you curious enough to browse this book, so beneficial for the soul and for good understanding within the family!
Andreea Macra